In this article, I’ll be showing you some of my free verse poetry and revealing exactly what makes them good pieces of writing. I have a new goal now that I’ve discovered a pattern in my writing: I tend to use run-on sentences along with enjambment and internal rhymes; the goal is to continue this pattern and to improve on it, if and where appropriate.
It is painful to see you, so distant
Yet here in my arms; of paper and
Broken glass; I bleed here, because
I held you much too close; and, as
Fair as you are, I should better be
Blind than see, opposed to that
Compromise, where wood and
Glass be the only frame to which
My hands can firmly grasp.
What we first notice here is the anapestic meter which is chopped at two-thirds of the second line. This way, you can apply meter to keep your reader’s attention. The first stanza is a great introduction to the situation our character is in; we see that he’s suffering from a lovesickness and attempted to remedy that by embracing a photo of his loved one. He’s willing to bleed for her; and being able to see but unable to touch hurts him to the point he’d rather lose his sight than have a measly photo to remind him of her.
What wins me over is the contrast made here:
Yet here in my arms;
of paper and
I bleed here, because
I held you much too close
This portion of the first stanza serves to clarify some of the setting for our character; where he can feel, see and touch. Some of the imagery can be filled by the reader; it’s fine to leave some information out of your writing as long as it can support itself.
A great piece of advice, when you’re stuck, is to do a search on poetic devices and literary terms that you could use to give you some ideas and better your writing.
I am concerned with the mirrors that
Attempt to mimic you; for there is no
Mime nor actor that could take the
Spirit of your shadow; that when the
Sun prepares the stage, the stones
That take your form, represent your
Soul in your greatest character.
Let’s start by comparing the mirror to the shadow. A mirror mimics you perfectly, while the shadow merely takes your shape and outline; so there’s not much to be desired in a shadow. Yet they borrow the layout of whatever they sit in; perhaps the shadow better represents the human soul because the mirror is just a mimic, while shadows are unique and depend on other factors. This builds onto the shadow’s uniqueness. That’s why our writer prefers them even to the mimes and actors of the world, who could perfectly represent his subject.
I could compare you to the curtains
Of my room; that steals the light I
Grew so fond of in the walls within
The womb. That comfort which
Revealed itself behind the lids
That hide your eyes; another
Secret kept behind the clouds
That bathe in hazel skies.
This is a perfect example of what I’d like to write. Iambic meter and internal rhymes really tie this together. It’s a rather straight forward poem; the writer compares the days spent in the womb to looking into the eyes of his subject (not entirely romantic if you think about it..) The one critique I have for it is that it doesn’t try* to deliver an emotional impact. The intent must be apparent to the reader; nonetheless, it’s a good poem.
article by Branden Navedo
thanks for reading!
I Would Leave Me If I Could.: A Collection of Poetry
The Waste Land: T. S. Elliot
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